Poems by Beedoo!

Must Give Us Pause

Nope, not him either...
Hmm... that makes five now, doesn't it?
Long pause ensues.
Honestly, you would think by now
that I'd've been able to find SOMEone
to settle down with. After all, I'm pretty attractive.
Pause.
Well, Mom says so anyway. I'm sure not ideal
but I don't think I'm terribly unattractive.
My nose curves to one side a little and my hips are a
little wide--gotta get to the gym one
of these days...maybe I should try out those
Tae-Bo tapes or something--but anyway.
Besides, they shouldn't care if I'm not gorgeous.
Pause.
Goddamn guys and their sex appeal.
Pause.
I mean, why should I have to go trawling in bars
--which I really hate to do, too... smoke and alcohol,
ugh! Makes me gag--just to find "that certain someone"--
hand clasp, romantic sigh--
who I can spend the rest of my life with.
Really.
Pause.
They shoudl come crawling to me.
Not the other way 'round.
Pause.
You don't think it's because I'm vain or anything,
do you?
Pause.
Maybe it's a psychological thing, when you don't think
you're vain, when you really are?
That'd be men, then. Good Lord, I'm so full of myself.
Pause.
DOES vanity scare guys off?
No way I'm THAT vain. There's no way.
I'm too humble for my own good sometimes, in fact.
Pause.
And maybe that's the problem, too, I mean,
humility sure doesn't get you anywhere these days.
Maybe it used to in, say, the 1500s, but
today, humility's worth crap.
You have to be BRASH and BOLD and--
Long pause.
Does my butt really look that big? Bugger.
No wonder I have so much trouble with guys.
There's girls twice my dress size getting more than me, though.
it's like I'm that perfect point right in the middle
between fat and thin
that just disgusts everyone around me.
Pause.
God, that's depressing.
Pause. Pause.
I'm too selective. That has to be the problem.
If it's not one thing with a guy, it's another.
Maybe his child-like tendency to bawl
was part of his charm and I missed it.
Um, no, what am I thinking,
it's not charm, it's being a pansy, and man did it
get old quick.
Accepting, schmaccepting. there's some things
you just don't stand for in a guy.
Pause.
Why do I only attract losers?
Pause.
Must be my fat butt.
They date me out of pity.
Pity-dating, there's a concept.
Long pause.
I'm never gonna get out of this dump...

B!'s Poetry---Main